For immediate release to all parents, educators, and clergy:

DEGENERATE TEENS STALK THE INTERNET!
a merlin.org exclusive!

DUBLIN, IRISH FREE STATE: Media reports teeming from this once placid city tell of an unspeakable menace corrupting the local youth. We apologize for the graphic descriptions of wanton teenage depravity which follow, but this news must be published before more children fall prey to the newest death fad.

A sixteen year-old Irish schoolgirl was recently caught developing revolutionary new methods of "data encoding" for transmission through the Internet! The girl, one Sarah Flannery, of Blarney, is said to have used "matrices" to enhance "encryption" of "data."

LOOK AT THE METAL HANDS OF THE FLANNERY CHILD, CLASPED IN SUPPLICATION!!! How the agents of the Apocalypse mock the public while orchestrating their doom! How they parade the true signs right in front of their eyes - yet they do not see!

But that's not all!

The child is known to have experimented with "algorithms," "public keys," "e-commerce," "RSA," and other forms of degeneracy before her activities were put to a stop.

Ms. Flannery has been punished appropriately. She was recently named "Young Scientist of the Year," a scarlet letter which will mark her shame for life. But the adults who led her to this strait, the monsters at Dublin-based Baltimore Technologies, Ltd., have yet to be punished.

Apparently this sort of abuse is common in Ireland. Reports are that dozens of once-innocent youngsters have been exposed to Internet iniquity, under the guise of "internships" with computer companies. We are told a vast underground network of such child molesters exists, drawing more youth into its deadly maw with each passing year.

Better the children had been sold into slavery!

Exposure to the internet retards psychic acuity. Microprocessors sap and impurify the will, sinking the brain into an electrically charged cesspool of static. Reliance on computers reduces the junkie to a slobbering automaton, dancing on strings held by the Illuminist bolsheviks of Silicon Valley. Dendrites snap...neurons decay...axons are reduced to a thin white gruel, a paste that was once a living mind.

Computers conspire against us. They meet in the back rooms of cyberspace: manipulating capital; misfiling tax returns; disseminating medical secrets; charging for telephone calls never made; altering credit reports; cutting off welfare recipients; and changing the names on arrest warrants. Evil!

Computers laugh at us behind our backs.

For God's sake: Save the children!

merlin.org - Jan 12, 1999
press@merlin.org