Yes, friends, the miracle diet of the millennium has arrived. The people who brought you Intralinear Reading^® and Precognitive Dissonance^® proudly introduce the Psychic Diet^® (patents pending).

Weight loss will never be the same!

Sure, you've tried all those other diets. You've wasted money on costly devices you'll never find the time to use. You've heard celebrities' boasts of weight loss, but you can't afford personal trainers and nutritionists. You've even taken prescription diet pills, but oh, the side effects!

And still you remain a flabby lard-bottom.

Not to fear. Our revolutionary nutritional system literally melts your flab away. Not to mention competing diet programs!

Your friends, loved ones, co-workers, all will be shocked when they see the new, slimmer you. No longer need you fear the beach, or the opposite sex!

Best of all, you can have one more trip to the buffet line. Because the Psychic Diet is not about painful exercise, doesn't require wacky food combinations, and won't send you to the poor house.

The Psychic Diet is literally Mind over Matter^SM.

FAT is a state of MIND! And WE can SHAPE it!

Under the Psychic Diet, you will unlearn bad thought patterns that have made you fat. You will understand how ideal weight can be achieved and maintained, regardless of your eating and exercise habits. You can literally think your way to thinness!

Does this sound like wishful thinking?

Think again!

We're so confident that you will lose weight under the Psychic Diet that we guarantee it. If you don't lose ten pounds in the first week, and keep them off, you can return it any time, for a full refund!

Psychic Diet^® is a product of the Merlin Center for Advanced Nutritional Well-Being, a wholly-owned subsidiary of merlin.org, a limited liability chartered company having its principal place of business in the sovereign state of Eritrea.

FTC regulation mandates the following disclosures concerning this product:

Psychic Diet^® is a patent-pending weight control process, developed for the purpose of aiding individuals suffering refractory weight surplusage. Psychic Diet^® is not to be used by individuals having diabetes, epilepsy, glaucoma, hepatitis, or chronic pancreatitis. Individuals who have suffered meningitis or Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever, in the past 15 years are advised to consult a physician before employing Psychic Diet^®.

Users of Psychic Diet^® may risk the following side effects: malnutrition, fever, infection of cerebrospinal canal, fear, psychosis, puncture of cortical membrane, death. The Merlin Center for Advanced Nutritional Well-Being, and merlin.org, cannot accept responsibility for these risks. Consult a physician.

Psychic Diet^® entails surgical insertion of radio spectrum microreceivers, attuned to a specific frequency, onto the base of the patient's cerebellum. The receivers were reverse-engineered from a specimen obtained during the autopsy of cadaver #14732-CW, identified as Charles Whitman, University of Texas Medical Center, Austin, Texas. See archives of the Texas Medical Examiner's Office, Austin, Texas, for further details. The origin of the original specimen is under study.

The receiver, once implanted, accepts signal interference from a designated source, the origin and frequency of which is proprietary. The received signal is translated into electrochemical stimuli compatible with cerebellar neurons. Depending upon placement of the receiver, and nonuniformities among patients, a variety of effects may be achieved. One of these effects is weight loss. Neurochemical patterns interpreted by the subject as hunger are interrupted, through a process proprietary to the Merlin Center for Advanced Nutritional Well-Being. Individuals, corporations, and governments having interest in selected miscellaneous applications of this proprietary process are invited to contact marketing@merlin.org for further information.

Records of testing performed during the development phase of Psychic Diet^® are unavailable pending patent recognition. However, a brief summary is required by Food and Drug Administration guidelines. It follows:

In an animal control study, performed 6/95-5/96, on a sample of 417 duroc hogs, approximately 87.3% of the sample lost weight (std.dev. .04), and maintained trimness for a period exceeding 6 months. Two followup studies, performed on samples of beagles and rhesus monkeys respectively, were terminated due to implementation of new federal regulation prohibiting certain previously accepted practices in animal research.

Human study is summarized as follows: A triple-blind, placebo-controlled study was undertaken utilizing a sample of volunteers obtained through the Guadalajara Ministry of Correction, State of Guadalajara, Republic of Mexico. All volunteers participated on a contractual waiver basis, incentived through a program of advanced custodial transfer, obtained through an arrangement with the Guadalajara Ministry of Correction, whom we wish to thank for their generosity in obtaining appropriate samples. Results and tabulation of this study may be obtained by contacting marketing@merlin.org.