As a field researcher for merlin.org, I've been engaged for several years in determining new and exciting uses for the enhanced psychic powers that are every person's birthright, cruelly denied us by the enigmatic enemy we face. Just recently, we here at merlin.org have been developing a truly astounding new use for our psychic gifts: Immortality through Personality Transference (IPT).

Here at our secret labs in the barren wastelands of northern censored, merlin.org researchers have trapped dozens of hapless simps to serve as hosts for the personality of intrepid psychic explorers.

THE BREAKTHROUGH
On December 16, 1997, Experiment Code Name Ezekiel reached its fruition.

Placed in the death chamber, surrounded by choking clouds of poison gas, I was able to use my enhanced psychic abilities to transfer my Personality/Memory Construct (PMC) into the brain of a shrewish housewife, obtained through merlin.org's employee recruitment program.

I watched as my former body, devoid of a controlling PMC, writhed in mindless agony at the cruel hands of VX neurotoxin.

Success was ours!

THE PROCEDURE
The procedure is quite simple:

• At the speed of thought, you too can drive the PMC out of the average weak-willed human.
• Their puny underdeveloped psychic muscles, woefully underutilized from years of mindless slavery to the Overmind, will crumble and fall under a concentrated psychic onslaught.
• Their brainpan will be an open book to you, waiting the writing of your PMC on its smooth blue-grey pages.

The entire PMC transferral takes place in less than a nanosecond, although if you encounter an especially strong-willed individual, or if the circumstances of your death have tapped your orgone energy reserves, PMC transferral could take a millisecond, possibly two.

Regardless, all but the most sudden deaths can be avoided by the prepared psychically capable individual.

Readiness is the key!

• Do not let self-indulgent sentimentality cloud your thoughts.
• Do not let last-second philosophizing on the nature of death cloud your thoughts.
• Do not let a curiosity to explore the Afterworld cloud your thoughts.
• Most importantly, do not let that most despicable fiend, yellow-bellied fear, cloud your thoughts.

Find a suitable subject, enact the PMC transfer, and laugh as your former body is crushed in the gaping maw of Death.

THE AFTERMATH
Immediate problems with this technique are obvious:

• What if the only body available is that of an oafish, obese Information Technology worker clad in an imitation Klingon uniform?
• It's really quite simple - just perform another PMC transfer when a more suitable vessel (wessel, in your new jargon) becomes available.

It's amusing to watch a body devoid of a PMC wander aimlessly, drooling helplessly and uttering inchoate moans of despair. Revel in the power afforded to you by your superior psychic gifts, but also consider those who would deny us the powers that are rightfully ours.

CONCLUSION
Researchers at merlin.org are currently studying the distance over which a PMC transfer can be performed successfully. Soon, you will be able to keep a clone of your body in storage at merlin.org, an empty vessel awaiting your death should distant PMC transferral become practical for someone of your psychic maturity.

Imagine: Dying in a fetid gutter in India, only to wake in a clean room in our labs, your PMC safely housed in a fresh, new body.

The possibilities are endless, and surely you can see how we at merlin.org are excited to usher in this new age of unrivalled wisdom, power, and knowledge.

Join us in a spirit of adventure as we enter the new era!

J. Robert Ayanami en Mary Twiggenham nee Cooper ex Stephen J. Frisk,
Chief of merlin.org Field R&D